


Reaper

by Lostie48



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: AU where you have the date of your death marked on your arm, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, trigger warning, will update the tags as the story develops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 09:26:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6073984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lostie48/pseuds/Lostie48
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn was a man who always lived with one eye on the clock, counting down the days until his inevitable death.</p><p>Poe was a man who didn’t have to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reaper

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic in the Star Wars fandom but this is a story idea that has been nibbling at me for a long time now and I finally decided that this was the right pairing to tell this story. 
> 
> All mistakes are my own as this is unbeta'ed
> 
> I do not own Star Wars or any of the characters represented here
> 
> (Title is from the song Reaper by Sia which is basically all I listened to while writing this chapter)
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> ~ Catherine

_11:49 P.M._

 

Finn had exactly ten minutes left to live.  

He looked down at his right arm for what had to be the 100th time that day. Right there in bold type face it read: 

 **_11:59 P.M. 2/18/2017_ **  

He quickly rolled his sleeve back down, covering any trace of the letters significance. They have controlled every aspect of his life so far; at least in death he won’t have to worry about them.  

The pistol that he held in his hand felt cold and out of place. Having never even touched a gun before Finn had no idea what kind someone would buy when they were planning on taking their own life. He bought it three weeks ago from a pawn shop down the street. The grizzled man behind the counter didn’t even question him when Finn asked to buy a gun, he just handed Finn the small double-action revolver, told him his total and then sent him on his way.  

 _He probably gets a lot of customers like me,_ Finn thought grimly to himself as he left.  

That thought jolted Finn back to reality and he looked back over at the clock.  

 _11:52 P.M._  

 _Shit._  

 _Breathe. Breathe. In and out. In and out._ Finn could feel himself becoming overwhelmed as the seconds turned into minutes that turned into the last moments of his life. The heaviness of the pistol weighed down his hand like a cinderblock.  

Breathing did nothing to help. He was going to die and there was nothing he could do to stop it.  

Finn squared back his shoulders and leaned back against his bed. If he was going to end it, now was the time. Another glance at the clock revealed that he had five minutes left. 

“It’s probably going to be a heart attack,” Finn said aloud as he considered his options.  

“I mean there’s only so many ways to go at this point right?” 

Finn chucked somewhat hysterically as he thought about what ridiculous ways he could die just sitting here in his bed. 

The uncertainly is always what gets people in the end. Finn’s heard stories of people going mad just from the thought of it, driven insane by the unknown. He’s seen firsthand what not knowing can do to people; families ripped apart and lives ruined just because they were unable to deal with not knowing the exact nature of their death. 

But Finn had a choice. He could end the uncertainty, gain control of his death. Finn’s finger moved to squeeze the trigger.  

He hesitated.  

He thought of a pamphlet that was left on his desk at work.  

“ _47% of people in the United States living with the mark choose to end their life by suicide. Don’t become a statistic, choose to accept your fate”_  

The rest of the pamphlet consisted mostly of First Order propaganda but one word stuck out in Finn’s mind: _choose._  

Did he want to choose this way out? Sure he would have control, but at what cost? What will his landlord find tomorrow when he comes to clear out the rest of Finn’s belongings? What will happen to Rey when she learns that it won’t be an open casket funeral because he choose to blow his own brains out?  

No he couldn’t do that. Finn made his choice. He choose to accept whatever fate may have in store for him. He owes that to those closest to him. 

With that decision Finn relinquished his hold on the gun and prepared for the end. 

Finn slowly lowered his body down to the bed so his head was resting on the pillow. His entire body was shaking as he attempted to lay in a casual position; he couldn’t keep his hands still as time counted down.  

With one last look at the clock Finn found his resolve and closed his eyes.  

 _One minute left._  

In his final moments he thought of Rey; he thought of her smile. He was so unbelievably happy for her, she was going to die at an old age, probably in her sleep surrounded by loved ones. She has a very long life ahead of her. 

He thought of his parents, who he never knew but he hoped he would see soon. 

Finn drew in quick breaths as tears started to escape his eyes. 

 _Its going to be okay. You had a great life._  

 _It was worth it._  

These were Finn’s final thoughts as he waited for death to come.  

And he waited. 

And waited.  

After what seemed like an eternity, Finn hesitantly opened his eyes. The off-white stucco of his ceiling came into focus and Finn briefly wondered if this was what death looked like. 

A glimpse at the clock hit Finn like a tidal wave. 

 

**_12:01 P.M._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr: ciscorathaway.tumblr.com
> 
> <3


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